I dont think Id last 5 minutes in an organised crime career mainly because I ask too many questions. I asked one today about how an entrenpreneur makes his money from this commercialised ‘socialised’ art project I visited. Whenever I ask such a piercing question it feels like this scooping chasm appears in my chest with a black wave whooshing over it. I end up looking into space when I ask such things and as I’ve already started the question, I end up finishing it. I don’t realise how invasive the question is until halfway through saying it. No wonder people get so defensive around me. I just don’t notice this defensiveness until long afterwards in hindsight. I also don’t regret asking the questions to be honest.
The university essay I’m writing at the moment is like a damn illness. I got a deadline extension on it a month ago and its due a week today. It on the ability of arts community projects to raise social capital. I was working in an arts organisation and planned to do a case study based on a project they did last year but for some mysterious reason they wouldn’t give me any data for it or answer a few questions. So in other words I was really let down by them. So I was stuck then for data on some arts projects. Luckily my lecturer helped in finding some new ones for me but this essay is still with me. its remained 80% complete for like 3 weeks now and I can’t get it over the line. It keeps expanding and expanding with no great progress on my literature review. Ive never actually written a literature review before. Ive made some progress today with it so now its 85%. Its just like churning rather than progressing. Im visiting an arts project tomorrow and I hope they answered my little questionnaire I sent them for data. This damn essay needs boxing off by Thursday as this week I officially start my dissertation. I’ll have 3 months this week to do it. Ive been finding every possible method of procrastinating over it. Ive got to get structured and disciplined about it and ask for help when I’m really stuck.